


why

by wolfoncaffeine



Series: to stand against fate [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Angst, Developing Friendships, Gen, extra mild angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-18 05:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14206635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfoncaffeine/pseuds/wolfoncaffeine
Summary: Rae and Chrom discuss his (reckless) decision to invite her into the Shepherds.An alternate Support Conversation C for them aka miss me with that "you're not like other women" shit (and Rae's non-binary but that's beside this particular point). Inspired by the convo that male Robin has with Chrom.





	why

“Ferox’s southern mountains. We’re halfway there, now.”

At the hill’s crest, Rae stopped beside Chrom and squinted. Two hundred miles north on the road, a jagged, snowcapped line divided autumnal forest from blue sky. Behind her sprawled Ylisse’s farmlands, lined with rivers and dotted by towns. The grand southern cities, Ylisstol reportedly grandest among them, were long lost to the blur of distance and curve of the earth.

Beside her, Lissa groaned. “Halfway? Chrom, we’ve been walking for three weeks!”

“At a wagon’s pace,” he countered, “and in fair weather —”

“Except for all that rain.”

“And in three weeks, we’ll be knee-deep in snow,” Sully added, astride her mount, as she caught up with the front of the party. “Best enjoy this balmy weather while it lasts.”

Miriel hummed. “I fail to see how this qualifies as ‘balmy.’”

“Gotta grow up in the north, I guess.”

“Not calling a halt al—?”

“No,” Chrom interrupted, silencing Vaike, then turned to call down the line, “onward!”

Rae glanced around as the formation stretched out again — from Chrom leading to Stahl and Sumia at the rear, riding on either side of the wagon steered by the forgettable knight. Despite the Shepherds’ host of conflicting personalities, they performed adeptly as a martial unit. Everything from their previous successes to their instincts in battle to the orderliness of their camps measured up to what she’d gathered were traditional military standards. Judging from that, they’d no need of a strategist.

 _So why,_ she thought, _risk hiring a suspicious, if skilled, tactician?_

“Rae,” Lissa said, half-turning toward her as she walked, “what would you have done if you hadn't joined the Shepherds?”

Startled by her timing, Rae barely suppressed a flinch. “You mean if you hadn't found me sleeping in a field?”

Chrom looked down at her. “You're saying that us finding you decided your fate?”

“Of course not. I’m saying that working with the Shepherds is my best option right now. The quickest way to remember who I am is by seeing as much of the world as possible, and that will be easy with all the travelling you guys do. Plus, I’d like to test my skills.”

“So your primary motivation for becoming a Shepherd does not match our purpose,” Frederick broke in, dismounting his horse to walk alongside them.

She swallowed. _This again._

“Frederick,” Chrom sighed and reached over to nudge Lissa, who glared blatantly at the knight. “With no memory, I believe she’s allowed a degree of selfishness.”

“She cannot be trusted as a guardian if her only reasons for joining us are self-serving.”

“I doubt Rae would’ve joined the Shepherds if she wasn’t willing to risk herself for our citizens. Which she has, many times over.”

“Milord, if a spy or an assassin, Naga forbid, she will be prepared to risk her life for the opportunity to accomplish her goals.”

“It’s been a month since she joined. If she was going to try anything, she would’ve by now.”

“Thirty-four days. And not necessarily. She may be planning on playing the long game.”

Rae suppressed a shudder, knowing he wasn’t wrong. Over the past month, she’d spent as much time as possible plowing through volumes of tactics, many of which at least mentioned cons which stretched for months or even years. Theoretically, she could be a spy, even stripped of her memory.

“There’s no proof of that,” Lissa grumbled.

“There is no proof of her being innocent, either, milady.”

“If she was planning to hurt me or Chrom, she wouldn’t risk her life to help us!”

“As I said —”

As Lissa and Frederick fell into a debate, Rae slowed. Heedless of her retreat, they continued to march, sniping back and forth.

She looked down at her robe, dyed dark Plegian purple. _I am suspect; I can’t deny that._ A mage without a memory yet in possession of a wealth of tactical knowledge could be called little else. Except for “dangerous.” She had no known family, connections, or allegiances. The Shepherds had no guarantees about her aspirations or the extents of her skills. Chrom and Lissa had no basis for their unflinchingly trust in her. Even if they believed her innocent of espionage, how could they utterly dismiss their knight’s concerns — a knight, already dedicated to the royal family, who’d been trained additionally as a personal bodyguard, to detect subterfuge and deflect assassinations, immediately after their father’s disastrous reign?

Even if Frederick’s refusal to trust her was only defensive, she couldn’t shake the itch that lingered inside her skull, as if a battle was turning quickly, too quickly, to her advantage.

 _This emptiness,_ she thought, reaching again into the dark of her memory, _feels absolute._ She glanced up at the prince. _He shouldn’t trust me. I wouldn’t trust me._

“So, if a farmer had found you sleeping in that field, what would you have done?”

Rae started and stared. _Is uncanny timing an inherited trait?_ When Chrom looked down at her, his eyebrows raised in question, she tore her gaze away and fixed it on the road. “I — I don’t know. Raided Ylisstol’s libraries for books on memory loss, maybe.”

“And after?”

“Gone looking for answers.” She would’ve acquired a less-incriminating cloak, hired herself off as a caravan guard, and never looked back. Beyond its libraries and urban comforts, overcrowded Ylisstol held nothing for her. She would not have remained longer than a fortnight.

“Where?”

Eyes narrowed, she looked back at him. “Plegia. My turn,” she added, when he began to say something. “Why did you help me, when I was unconscious on the road?”

“Because you needed help?”

She froze. _He can’t be…._ “Pity’s your reason?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“You idi — no!” she hissed. “No, it’s not! Not when you’re dealing with a suspiciously amnesiac mage.”

He frowned. “Are you…angry at me for helping you?”

“Yes! In all in likelihood, I’m a Plegian spy, even without memories. How could you take a risk like that?”

“Would you preferred if I’d left you there?” he asked, tone hardening.

“I’d have preferred if you showed some common sense!”

“Enough! You forget your place!”

She whipped towards Frederick, a retort ready on her tongue, when Chrom put one hand on her shoulder and raised the other, halting the knight’s approach.

“It’s alright, Frederick. Continue marching. Rae,” he said, moving off the road, “let’s stop and talk.”

“Milord —”

“Go.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Frederick nodded, spun on his heels, and strode away. Clutching her stave, Lissa glanced nervously between the knight, her brother, and Rae, until Miriel nudged her on. The rest of the Shepherds followed, peering over their shoulders.

Rae watched them go, anger and unease curled into a tight ball in her gut.

When they were out of earshot, Chrom spoke. “So….”

“So?” she said, barely managing to keep her voice level. 

He rested his hands on his hips. “So…tell me why you’re angry.”

She swung around to glare directly at him. “You risked the lives of your family, your soldiers, and all of Ylisse’s citizens because you pitied a suspicious foreigner.” As understanding and guilt finally crossed his face, her ire began to ebb.

“That’s…it’s more than that.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“The Shepherds’ purpose is to aid those in need. You were in need.”

“And now? Why offer me a place with the Shepherds? Why do you trust me?”

“Because we could use your skills.”

“That isn’t enough,” she repeated, glaring at him. “Not when your knight is still suspicious of me. Why do you trust me?”

He stared back, expressionless but for his slightly narrowed eyes, and crossed his arms. “Intuition. Rae, listen to me,” he added when she snorted, “I’m not trusting you blindingly. From the moment we met, you’ve shown nothing but dedication — to regaining your memories, to your studying and training, and to fulfilling your role as a Shepherd. That dedication speaks to your character. You’ve proven yourself worthy of the Shepherds’ trust. Of my trust.”

“And what about Frederick’s doubts?” She crossed her arms, mirroring him.

His mouth quirked. “As a royal bodyguard, it’s his job to doubt. I will never ignore his concerns, but neither will I ignore my intuition or your efforts as a Shepherd. I know that you’re not a spy.”

“And _your_ intuition is supposed to reassure _me_?”

“Trust me.”

She snorted again. “I trust your intentions. It’s your judgment I’m doubting.”

“I can live with that —”

“Actually, it might kill you.”

“— but why join us, if you mistrusted yourself to this degree from the start?”

“Because travelling and fighting as a Shepherd gives me the best chance to recover my memory. Frederick’s right; I’m here entirely for myself.”

He shifted his weight to one hip. “Then why risk your life fighting alongside us?”

 _What exactly am I risking, with a month’s worth of memories?_ She suppressed a wince. She wanted to live, but…. _What am I living_ for _?_ “Ylisse is obviously in trouble, with these Risen,” she said before the silence stretched too long. “I can help. Anyway, I’m indebted to the Shepherds, for accepting me.”

“That,” Chrom said, smiling a little, “is why I trust you.”

She frowned. “Pardon?”

“Your compassion, bravery, and selflessness.”

“Did you black out when I said I’m only here for myself?”

“No one would ever ask more of you than your tactician’s skills,” he continued, ignoring the jab, “yet you fight in every battle.”

She shrugged. “A tactician should be on the field, at least within sight and reach of the front lines. I’m just fulfilling my role, Chrom.”

“If you insist. Either way, I’m grateful for your help.” He extended a hand.

“Yeah, well,” she sighed and shook his hand. “I can’t promise anything. Except that I’ll try.” Chin tipping up, she tightened her grip before he could pull away. “Promise me that you’ll be more careful, with your others’ lives and your own. You need your Shepherds, and the Shepherds need their commander. No one’s any use dead.”

He dipped his head a fraction. “I can’t say I’ll stop helping people, suspicious or not. To help others is why the Shepherds exist, after all. But I’ll be more mindful of the risks I take. I promise.” He looked downhill at his soldiers. “We should rejoin them.”

Walking beside him, Rae watched the Shepherds — chatting, arguing, laughing. _I should leave. But…this is easier._ Easier stay with Chrom and Lissa, who she found she liked. Easier to stay with the Shepherds, whose company she enjoyed. Perhaps even easy, someday, to ignore the darkness in her memory.

**Author's Note:**

> The bit about Frederick's training isn't canon, just my own embellishing.


End file.
